Season of Miracles

Last night my Mother-in-law, Father-in-law, My Husband and I, as well as our son, went to see the Christmas light show in Cambridge Ohio, at the court.

Our son giggled with glee and pointed to the lights as he kicked his legs and bobbed his head. “Look Dat!” He said and pointed every time someone passed us on the sidewalk.

Tears began streaming down his face. It could have been just because he was cold however, he was dressed warmly. I began to wonder if he felt the same way I did two years previously when he was just a seed my tummy.

My boyfriend and I were sitting there in church at the Christmas mass and silent night was being sung. I started to cry as I thought about my Christmas miracle stirring inside of me. I finally got it! The Christmas story is everyone’s story.

I looked at my boyfriend. I felt what I believed was the first flutter of life moving inside of me. I looked at him and said, “I know It’s a boy and we will call him Noah.” I was pregnant and unmarried at the time. People judged me because of this. They didn’t know my boyfriend and I, who later became my Husband. Personally I didn’t care. This was our Christmas miracle

As Noah cried, the memories came back. I remembered that night in church. I cried because our Child was a promise. The promise of a Christmas miracle. Two Christmas before that, we were trying to grapple with the news that I would never have a child. Yet here he is. He must have felt what I felt. Joy and beauty that he was a miracle. My son changed our lives.

I felt what Mary must have felt all those years ago. Happiness that God had blessed her with a beautiful baby boy. She also felt sadness because of those that judged her, because she was an unwed mother.

Noah understands this is the season of miracles. It was also this season of miracles that brought my husband and I together. It was at a Christmas time we
really connected. It was because of Christmas our son is here today.

The Christmas story is everyone’s story. With great pain is great joy. Without pain, there would be no hope. Happiness would cease to exist.

This is the season of miracles. Yours is right around the corner. Never give up hope.

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Love Birds Cry

I found some old poetry I wrote. I wrote this while I was in an abusive relationship that lasted on and off for seven years. I wrote this shortly before I left the abuser and found my husband. I guess when you pray real hard and hope that Mr. Right is out there, you find him. For all those women that are in an abusive relationship. I once was you. Please let go. There is a better person waiting out there for you.

Love Birds Cry
I’m like a bird that crys for help,
with no one to save me.
I’m exotic.
I’m used and abused,
then throwen away when I am no longer useful anymore.
I’m a rare and beautiful sight to behold,
but not something that can be loved and adored.
I’m shot at,
day after day because some man wants me for his trophy case.
Then I fly away.
Someday.
Someday soon,
some beautiful love bird will catch me.
Someone that will love and adore me,
cherish and hold me.
Forever and always.
The men that hurt me,
will fade slowly,
untill they disappear.
Into the forest.
A dark forest filled with nothing but
pain, hurt, loneliness, that will last forever.
As I am living my beautiful dream.
With a love that will last an eternity.

A Wise Man

   A wise man once told me to fight like hell, follow your dreams, and never give up. That wise man was my Grandfather. I miss him very much. He always gave me good advice. Some of that advice I didn’t understand tell I was much older.

Things My Grandfather Told Me

1. Never Go to Bed or Leave Angry-
My Grandfather got into an argument with his only son. That was the last time he saw him. The next time he saw his Son he was in a coffin.
My Mother and I got into a fight before she left for work. She was in a nearly fatal accident. I am glad she was ok so I could tell her how much I loved her, and that I was sorry.

2. Do What Makes You Happy-
I was a teenager that was easily influenced by others around me. My Grandfather told me I needed to do what made me happy. Not what made everyone else happy.
My Grandfather did what everyone else told him. He went to college. He failed miserably. Then he did what he really loved even though his parents told him he would always be a cripple. (He had a bad hand.) He built race cars and built and restored airplanes. He even restored Wacos for the Smithsonian!
Here I am, a few years later. I am reading a great book. I always loved to read and write. I have regrets that I did not pursue a career in writing. I did not pursue my dream because everyone told me it would never make me money. Well you know what? What I am doing right now, is not making me a great deal of money anyways!

3. There is Only One Person for Everyone. Soulmates Do Exist.
  My Grandfather said my Grandmother was his one and only soul mate. After she died, he tried dating many other women. He was even married a second time. (It didn’t last) He truly believed she was the only women ment for him. He said with the other women it was just never the same. My Grandfather told me he knew there was a soulmate waiting out there for me too.
I thought he was crazy. Then I met my Husband. I realized my Grandfather wasn’t so crazy after all. My Husband is my one and only true Soulmate.

4. When you accomplish all you set out to do, you no longer have fear. You make peace. And if you die, you are ok with that.
I’m still working on this one!

What inspiring advice did your Grandparents give you? How has it changed your life?

 

Laughs, Giggles and Playtime!

My husband was getting ready to leave for work tonight. My son looks at him and pulls at his scrub top, and he begins to giggle and squeal. I don’t think he wants Daddy to leave. I don’t either.

I look at my Husband. This man who works many sixteen hour days. A man I love and have great respect and tenderness for. I wish he would be able to work less and spend more time with us. He is doing what he can to provide for his family. It is also a reminder of why I must write.
He encourages me, and reads everything I write. My Husband is my biggest fan. (I call him my editor, because he reads over my shoulder and makes me aware of what needs to be revised.) I hope someday I will be able to make enough money from one of my books. Enough so we can have more laughing, giggling, and more playtime as a family. I write out of love.

Generation to Change a Nation

  I am driving home through the hills of Appalachia. I am reminded what beauty our great ancestors saw in this country. It must be the beauty I am seeing now.

Water droplets have just fallen along these hills and heavily wooded areas. The sun is setting and is heating the water droplets. The water is evaporating and turning into fog rolling across the land. This is where I belong. Here in the hills where I feel, I am one with the earth.

Here I am reminded that these hills are sacred and hollow grounds. corporations are destroying them. The greed for natural resources is fierce in this county.

I am brought back to reality. As I pass along sometimes I see a large patch of land cleared for extracting oil. Wells are popping up all over the hills looking like monstrosities. Flames shooting up into the air, emitting toxic gas that probably is affecting the ozone layer here on this planet.

The trees are never replanted. This means we are all breathing more carbon and less oxygen. Trees are living creatures ment to filter the air. We have a symbiotic relationship with them. What we do to our environment directly affects us. What price are we willing to pay for all these commodities? Are we willing to sacrifice our planet and our life for these cooperate entities?

This ground is sacred. They are destroying my country. Corporations. Greed. Central Banking. It is destroying us. We are no longer free. This world is controlled by corporations. This is a corporatocracy ladies and gentlemen. The freedoms we had were taken away and eroded slowly after central banking was introduced to this country. Our founding fathers warned us of this. Presidents have tried to warn us of this. And still very few people are concerned or even notice.

In school we were taught to be obedient little consumers. That is how corporations view us and so we consume and consume untill nothing is left. What happened to the great things my ancestors taught? The Native Americans were very wise people. You kill an animal you use everything. You cut a tree down, you replace it. You farm the land, it will give you more than you can ever imagine. You take care of the planet and it takes care of you.

Its time for a change in conscious. Its time for awareness. Time to stop living in the dark ruled by fear. Ladies and gentlemen, we will be the generation to change the nation. If we wake up and see through the lies. Great change is possible. Greater than imaginable. We are all creators of our destiny. Lets stand up for what is right. For this beautiful planet we live on.

I have a dream one day humanity will be free. My son and generations to come will have promise of a better life than what I have. Free from being consumers, free from being poor, free from oppression, freedom from slavery. A world that is governed by love and not fear. One day we will live peacefully because we have awareness that we are all one. We are all creators in this network of nerves we call the universe. We are all beautiful. And we all deserve more in this life than a 16 hour work day every day almost everyday of the week.

Watch “The Real You – Alan Watts” on YouTube

The Real You – Alan Watts: http://youtu.be/mMRrCYPxD0I

I couldnt resist sharing this video. This man is one of my favorite philosophers of all time. While searching my soul, I have come to many of the same conclusions that he has. This is so beautiful. You are an amazing being. We should never forget that. We are all one. The “I am.”

Rebirth

  When I look at my son, I see such promise and hope. I understand why Jesus said we should all be like children.

My son trusts others completely. He has not learned what it’s like for someone to break his trust. He loves others with every fiber of his being. He has not learned what it is like for someone to crush his heart and soul. He lives fearlessly. He is learning to walk. He sometimes falls down. He always gets back up like nothing happened and continues to laugh and smile as he pulls himself up, and he tries again, and again.

In my eyes he is perfect. He is a spitting image of the creator. Uninhibited. Un-fearful. He is love.

He reminds me of what is wrong with the world. We forget to be children. We forget to love with a complete love. To be completely uninhibited. To get back up if we fail. If life knocks us on our ass, not to give up. Try… and then, try again. If more people saw the world through the eyes of a child, there would be no war. Just love and hope. That is the secret of life.

I look at my sweet baby boy, as I stroke his hair and he smiles. He is the reason I will never give up. He is the reason I am reminded to see the world through the eyes of a child. He gives me life. I am made complete and I am reborn through the eyes of a child. He smiles in his sleep. I kiss his forehead and tell him what a miracle he is. That he was the one that gave birth to me.

The Calling

We are all called to do things in life. Some people are called to be priests or missionaries. I was called to be a Nursing Assistant. I was reminded today, of all the reasons why became one.

As I help these people with their daily care, they tell me of their interests. They also reflect upon life and tell me stories of their own. I am reminded that these people were once young and able bodied, just like me. They had the same hopes and dreams as I have now. I laugh and I cry with them. I am a part of their family, and they… a part of mine. They have shared their knowledge with me. That to me, is more valuable than a goldmine.
I don’t do it for the money. I am working for peanuts. My payment is the plethora of knowledge, the elder give me. The amazing stories that they share. They are sharing part of their life with me. I am sharing a part of myself with them.

I am a Nursing Assistaint because the human soul is beautiful and resilient. I do it because I am human. I love and I feel.

For all those naysayers out there…

I am currently working on writing a book. I am looking into getting it published in the near future. I have always wanted to write a book…purely because, I get enjoyment out of writing. It is therapeutic to me. I was reminded of today of why I write. For all those naysayers out there that say I can’t. For all the times I have been rejected. For all the people who tell me I will never to be able to make a living with my creativity. For all those people that say I can’t.

My work is worth more than $11.75 an hour. It is worth sharing. It is worth sharing for all those people who care. It is worth sharing so people know they are never alone in their journey. Worth sharing so people have hope. Maybe it will inspire someone else, to share their beauty, knowledge, and creativity.

Then I am reminded why I gave up my dreams at such an early age. Because of the naysayers out there that told me I couldn’t follow them. They told me my dreams wouldn’t make me any money. Well, neither is what im doing now. What have I got to lose? For all those naysayers out there my dreams are worth more than $11.75 an hour. I’m going to follow them, fight like hell. I am not giving up.

IV. Chasing Dreams- What the hell is this supposed to mean?

   I thought nothing of the episode of food poising that I had. The next morning it happened. I felt fine. “This is strange!” I thought. Then it began to add up. “OMG! Maybe? Could it be!?” I grabbed my keys and was out the door as quickly as my feet would carry me.

I ran down the aisle when I got to Giant Eagle.  I grabbed the first box of pregnancy tests I found. I felt nervous and giddy as the cashier rung them up. I raced home to the bathroom where I would wait on my final results.

Those moments when you are waiting for the results to appear on the window are the hardest. I saw the result. Now I had to figure out how to tell my boyfriend.

It was the moment of truth… I handed him the test. He said, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I said, “You see those two lines on the strip? That means I’m pregnant!” He smiled and we kissed. Our long lost dream had manifested itself. Don’t give up hope. Not yet… Not yet…