I found some old poetry I wrote. I wrote this while I was in an abusive relationship that lasted on and off for seven years. I wrote this shortly before I left the abuser and found my husband. I guess when you pray real hard and hope that Mr. Right is out there, you find him. For all those women that are in an abusive relationship. I once was you. Please let go. There is a better person waiting out there for you.
Love Birds Cry
I’m like a bird that crys for help,
with no one to save me.
I’m used and abused,
then throwen away when I am no longer useful anymore.
I’m a rare and beautiful sight to behold,
but not something that can be loved and adored.
I’m shot at,
day after day because some man wants me for his trophy case.
Then I fly away.
some beautiful love bird will catch me.
Someone that will love and adore me,
cherish and hold me.
Forever and always.
The men that hurt me,
will fade slowly,
untill they disappear.
Into the forest.
A dark forest filled with nothing but
pain, hurt, loneliness, that will last forever.
As I am living my beautiful dream.
With a love that will last an eternity.
As I was talking to my Mom last night, I was reminded of how important family is. My family is what keeps me grounded, and sane.
All of us go through times when we are depressed, and sometimes depression makes us crazy. Depression causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I am a creative person, and like many other creative people….I walk that fine line. I am either sane, or under extreme amounts of stress… I can crack and be completely crazy.
About six years ago, everything that could and would go wrong in my life did. My Grandfather became sick and passed. I had became pregnant. Lost the baby. My boyfriend, who I was living with was physically and mentally abusive. He threw me out of a moving vehicle while I was pregnant. I became an alcoholic. It was one of the few things that helped me deal with all of my pain and anger. My family couldn’t deal with my crazy mood swings.
That one time in my life… I really think I could have been classified as being bipolar. I felt like I was completely mad. I have realized this years later as I am reading this book written by Kay Redfield Jamison… An Unquiet Mind. I am reminded while having this conversation with my Mother, that all of us walk that fine line. During that time my Mother felt very depressed too. Of course she was. She had just lost her father, and best friend. Years later, I found out the only way both my mother and I, dealt with this cloud over our heads was, exercise.
I would get so mad, one of the few ways I calmed myself down was running. I put on my iPod and ran. I ran at 3am in the morning. When I couldn’t sleep. I was running from my life. It was me and the pavement. Myself and my mind. I look back on those times, I am reminded that brilliant and creative people always walk that fine line. Mainly because their mind does not have and off switch or a filter. We are always thinking, even as we sleep.
The only things that kept me from completely going crazy were my family, friends, and exercise. And for that I am thankful.