Walking the Line

As I was talking to my Mom last night, I was reminded of how important family is. My family is what keeps me grounded, and sane.

All of us go through times when we are depressed, and sometimes depression makes us crazy. Depression causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I am a creative person, and like many other creative people….I walk that fine line. I am either sane, or under extreme amounts of stress… I can crack and be completely crazy.

About six years ago, everything that could and would go wrong in my life did. My Grandfather became sick and passed.    I had became pregnant. Lost the baby. My boyfriend, who I was living with was physically and mentally abusive. He threw me out of a moving vehicle while I was pregnant. I became an alcoholic. It was one of the few things that helped me deal with all of my pain and anger. My family couldn’t deal with my crazy mood swings.

That one time in my life… I really think I could have been classified as being bipolar. I felt like I was completely mad. I have realized this years later as I am reading this book written by Kay Redfield Jamison… An Unquiet Mind. I am reminded while having this conversation with my Mother, that all of us walk that fine line. During that time my Mother felt very depressed too. Of course she was. She had just lost her father, and best friend. Years later, I found out the only way both my mother and I, dealt with this cloud over our heads was, exercise.

I would get so mad, one of the few ways I calmed myself down was running. I put on my iPod and ran. I ran at 3am in the morning. When I couldn’t sleep. I was running from my life. It was me and the pavement. Myself and my mind. I look back on those times, I am reminded that brilliant and creative people always walk that fine line. Mainly because their mind does not have and off switch or a filter. We are always thinking, even as we sleep.

The only things that kept me from completely going crazy were my family, friends, and exercise. And for that I am thankful.

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