Cynthia Day had a lot on her mind. Doctors had found a vascular malformation in her brain.
Doctors told her it was nothing to worry about. In the back of her mind she did worry. Her Grandfather had the exact vascular formation in his posterior fossa, and she wondered if this was the cause of his dementia.
She could relate better to her Grandfather than most people. Some days she was so dizzy and confused, she could not drive. Other days, she heard a horrible whooshing noise in her ears. She had migraines that caused visual disturbances. Then often neck pain that made her unable to move her neck, weakness in her arms and legs often followed along with tingling sensations.
Doctors told her it was nothing to worry about, a vestibular disorder. However, in light of the recent circumstances she wasn’t so sure that they gave her the correct diagnosis.
At night it got worse, and she couldn’t sleep. She suffered from insomnia. She wondered if her Grandfathers experiences were somewhat similar.
Her Grandfather was sitting at the edge of the bed, unable to button his shirt. She saw the frustration, and understood what he was going through. It was only last week, that Cynthia was unable to do the same task.
“I’m so sorry you have to see me like this. You shouldn’t have to see me like this, Cynthia.”
“Grandpa, you would be surprised to know, that I know exactly what you feel,” she said as she gave him a hug. “You and me- we are going to get through this together.”
“Don’t you worry about me. You just take care of your family and yourself.”
“There are days I cannot even do that,” Cynthia said.
“You’ll be fine, you always have been,” her Grandfather said, patting her knee.
Cynthia knew that she had to be fine, because there was no other choice.
On the way home Cynthia had to pull over. The world around her looked as if it was in perpetual motion, yet again. She called her husband crying, to come pick her along with their baby.
What the hell is wrong with me? She thought to herself -as she laid her head and hands on the steering wheel- trying anything, to get the world around her to stop swaying back and forth, like she was on a cruise ship.