III. Chasing Dreams- Pipe Dreams

We were chasing our dreams, and my dream of being a mother was no longer a possibility. With every passing day, accepting that I could no longer possibly become pregnant became harder. I grew more depressed. Every time my wonderful little red friend would visit, it was a reminder of my failure. My infertility. I would sob and be depressed for the whole week. I would be angry taking it out on the only person that supported me, the love of my life.

After carrying on like this for three months, My significant other couldn’t take it anymore. So he did what he could do and made a proposal. His proposal was to try, and continue to try to have a child. If we did get pregnant he promised he would marry me. It gave me hope. I agreed. They crying stopped. At least we were trying. Weeks turned into months, months turned into a year. Trying no longer became fun. We both looked forward to getting it over with.

We went out one night. Had a few drinks to go with our dinner. We were both relaxed. We had awesome sex, for the first time in a long time. We thought nothing of it. We had stopped trying. Whatever would happen would happen.

It was always in the back of my head though. My pipe dream destroyed. On Mothers Day I went shopping with my Mom. I saw a Mother with a little baby. I lost it. I cried in the middle of the store. The tears kept flowing. They did not stop. If I couldn’t have a baby, I simply was not happy.

Then we were at a wedding. My partner in crime and I had a great time. It was his sister’s wedding. For the first time in a long time I had forgotten about my lost pipe dream. I was so caught up in everyone else’s happiness and it felt great! I started feeling a little sick to my stomach. I took one sip of beer and couldn’t touch it. The chicken, and I love chicken, smelled so gross. Then my significant others mother asked, “You think your pregnant?… No, no, I couldnt be!” I said almost immediately after she asked. I danced all night. We had a great time.

We went back to the hotel room. I was very tired. My hips hurt. I started thinking about what his Mother said. In my heart I was saying maybe, but my head was saying, “That’s not possible.”

A few weeks later we after we went out to eat, I was pretty sure I had gotten food poisoning. Projectile vomit for 45 minutes. It was coming out of my nose and it burned. It was so bad I couldn’t breathe when I was throwing up. My significant other was holding my hair back. It was so gross even he couldn’t handle it! I heard laughter from the other room. My husband was laughing at me and kept saying. “Oh God, hahahaha… oh God!” Little did he know I would be having the last laugh!

Written by V.C. Christian

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II. Chasing Dreams- Infertility

   It hit me like a box of rocks, and it hurt. It really hurt! I sat there, on the couch looking at my one and only soul mate. I burst into tears. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “Today, at the Doctor’s appointment they told me I couldn’t have children.” I sobbed even harder. He hugged me. We were chasing our dreams. Our every hope and dream of a family now gone. My other half did all he could do. Reassure me that he loved me.
I told him I felt like less of a women. “A woman that can’t produce childeren! What the hell kind of women is that!” He kissed me and listened to me. Then he told me he loved me, and it didn’t make me any less of a woman. He said we would travel just me and him all over the world. We could do things that people with children could not do. That dream of having a family was just a pipe dream. Now…Back to reality. We were chasing a different dream. The only dream we had left.

Breastfeeding is an Amazing Experience!

I am currently breastfeeding my 8 month old son. It has completely changed the way I think about breasfeeding. I have heard some women don’t want to give up breasfeeding their children! Before I was a mother, I didn’t understand why. Now I do. Here is why….

1. Your body is providing your baby with nourishment.  How cool is that?!

2. It is social time for them! (Babies love to smile and talk while they are having a snack.)

3. Breastfeeding is a bond that only your child and you share. (I like to think of it as Mommy and baby time.)

4. It has many health benefits that are long lasting.
https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.cdph.ca.gov/programs/breastfeeding/Documents/MO-BF-Benefits.pdf&sa=U&ei=kbd1U5WECceAqgbv44CwAg&ved=0CBUQFjAFOBQ&usg=AFQjCNEdp_AQhVeZ9od1YbnntXKP-LiZrw

5. The milk always fresh and the right temperature, when it comes directly from the tap.

6. Did you know breast milk has similar properties cannabis? (Cool!)
http://www.naturalnews.com/036526_cannabinoids_breast_milk_THC.html

7. It tastes like sugar water.

8. Breastfeeding in public boosts your self esteem. (You have to be very confident to do this, and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks!)

We as mothers do whatever we can to provide. Even if it is not right from the tap. But I must say, I enjoy the special bond I have with my son because of breastfeeding. It has helped me to become a more confidant mother!