As I sit here writing, I look to the right of my desk where we created our own story. I know things will change now that you are moving on to Kindergarten. They already have. When I got you ready for school yesterday and you told me, “Mom I’m too big for your hugs,” Oh, how those words stung my heart.
When I picked you up from school, you must have forgot because you ran right into my arms. I know that you are quickly outgrowing my arms. Soon, you will be bigger and taller than me. I just hope that you will remember all the time we spent together and, that this will help you get through the tough days.
When you were a baby I used to sing and rock you to sleep under the chandelier in our one bedroom apartment, when you would have trouble sleeping. I used to sing you to sleep and dance with you. Our neighbors below us probably thought a large stampede was going through the apartment complex, or a freight train! You would laugh the way only a child can. A loud big belly laugh. I wish I could bottle your laughter for the tough days like this. A lot has changed since then.
We moved into a house, where you have your own room. You learned how to run up the steps, and fell down them a few times too. Because you always would run, instead of taking your time to walk. But isn’t that what children do? Perhaps, this is why life seems to go so fast once we reach adulthood. We never took any time to slow down.
We have had many tough times too, and I imagine more are coming. Perhaps, this is why this is so hard. Sending you off like this. All the late night hospital visits and stays early in your life. It is why you are so sensitive to peoples needs when you see they are ill or in pain. Because you have experienced first hand what it is like.
You who are not afraid of death but have been so close when you were little. Perhaps, you are a bit closer to God because of that. Because of your faith you have brought me closer to him too.
I missed you on the car ride home. It was so silent.
I missed you today when I was cleaning. You would have wanted to help me.
I missed you today when I was practicing guitar. You would have practiced with me.
I missed you, when I cried because I was missing you. You would have hugged me.
I hope you are having fun and being as kind to your friends, and teachers as you are to me. I hope you are helping others, having fun, and learning a lot. I hope others do not take advantage of your kindness and good heart, as others have done to mine. Mostly, I don’t want you to get hurt. If your anything like me you will get hurt easily.
I worry about you, I love you and I believe in you, and know you will make good decisions. You will make the right choice even when it is hard.
I know this thing called growing up is painful, but oh what an Adventure it is to love.