Wonderfully Made

 

Noah Ultrasound

My Son- Jan 16, 2013 @ 9 weeks

 

WONDERFULLY MADE…

Hoped for you before you were thought of,
Loved you before I knew you,
Believed in you before you made your appearance.
We loved you,
Hoped for you
And believed in you,
Before you were even here.
On a prayer,
You were,
and still are,
Wonderfully Made.

 

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Memories

Memories-

Fade so fast.

Away, Away flies the past.

Upwards and onwards floats like water on a river.

With currents and streams that turn over and over.

Watersheds, that empty into the ocean.

Then back into the eather from wither they wander.

Memories-

Fade so fast

My,

life is gone

too fast.

Harry Saves the Day, and Dr. Penguin to the rescue!

Being a Mother has its challenges, but it has been especially challenging as of late. We finally have an answer to the question, why my son continually gets croup, has trouble breathing, and has an E.R. visit or ambulance ride every time he gets a respiratory infection. He has Asthma.

I am learning, because I know nothing about asthma. Perhaps, if I had, my Son could have avoided numerous trips to the E.R. for the oral prednisone he so desperately needed to reduce the inflammation of his airway.

There are many things that I have learned about my Son. He gets really anxious and agitated when he is having difficulty breathing. Because he is four, he does not always tell me when he is feeling unwell. He just becomes more active.

He hates taking oral prednisone. I got one of his favorite stuffed animals from one of his favorite books. “Harry the Dirty Dog,” and pretended Harry was taking his medicine. I told him, “Harry does not like the taste either. So he is gonna open his mouth and I am gonna pinch his nose so he cant taste it, then he gets a shot of orange juice for being so brave.”

“I’m gonna be brave like Harry Mommy! Let me try it! Let me try it.”

My Son was able to take his medicine. Let me tell you, I tried it. It is bitter as hell, even with the flavoring the pharmacy puts in there. Thankfully, just like Harry my Son was able to take his medicine.

The penguin nebulizer the doctor gave us to take home was a genius idea. Whoever thought of this was brilliant. My Son was a little scared of the noise at first. I told him, “That’s the noise that Doctor Penguin makes when he is trying to make you feel all better.” 

So begins the saga of Doctor Penguin and his adventures. So I began to do what I do best. Tell stories to my Son of Doctor Mommy Penguin, and her little baby that she was trying to help get better. I talked in the goofy voices that each of the characters have. My Son, laughs and giggles and loves this so much. To make a long story short… It worked! He is now taking his medicines as long as I tell him the stories that he requests.

My Nightwish series, has been put on hold for a while, because I am not working on writing and illustrating Doctor Penguins adventures at my sons request. He has had quite a few adventures this week!

“Tell me a story Mom… read me your book…Oh yea! And please draw Doctor Penguin for me in my book. “

and this is why I am writing children’s stories and YA fiction. It has made this difficult time much easier on us both. Sharing something so unique and special has brought us so much closer. It helped him to understand what was going on inside his body, and why he needed the medicine so badly.  Harry the Dirty Dog might have saved the day, but mama penguin came to the rescue!

The Giver

On Christmas, my Son was looking at all the gifts he had received. He pulled out one of the books we had gotten for him. Looked through it and then handed it to me and said, ‘Mommy I think my friend would like this, she needs it more than me. She loves Vampires.’ (It was a Vampireology Book)

It just touched me. He gets a concept that most adults fail to learn. The gift of giving. He couldn’t wait to give his friend this gift. I saw pure joy on his face when he was able to deliver that gift to his friend.

You did good Son. This Christmas you made me proud to be your Mom.

To see your soul…

To see your soul...

To see your soul walking outside of your body, is a most unusual thing. There he is with a smile on his face, ready to greet the day no matter what life brings his way. In seconds that all can change. It can happen so fast.

One minute he was talking. The next minute he started coughing and was blue and could not speak. He began motioning to his vocal cord trying to talk. No sound came out. During this time I tried not to show my fear, rubbing his back as I did so many times when he was a baby.

I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. My soul as well as my Husbands soul, walking outside of our bodies wrapped in this package.

I now know what it means for ‘life to flash before your eyes,’ now.

All these memories and moments come into your mind, like a movie playing.

The first time he smiled. His first word. The first time he walked. The first time he crawled. His first Birthday. First Christmas. The first time he found music. The first time he cried, because he understood deaths finality. His first day of school. The first friend he made. All the times I held him in my arms, when he needed reassurance. Or more simply, all the times I held him in my arms because I loved him.

That little chubby face looking up at me when I brought him home from the hospital. The time he smiled at me with his little milky grin when nursing. It was cute enough to make you cry. Just because you were so happy to be in this little angels presence.

This soul. My Son. One part me, one part my husband. The rest of his soul, bits and pieces of other family members scattered thought him. He lives in us and we in him. That is the beauty of life. It goes on.

Its why this little boy means so much to me. He is my soul, staring back at me and looking through me. He knows me better than anyone in this world.

He used to kick me wildly from the inside when I played the violin. He got hiccups whenever I sang to him. He knew how I felt before he was born. He was kicking my ribs, when my Husband and I said our vows. I know he knew how nervous I was. I like to think that he was just as nervous.

One day he heard Ave Maria on the T.V. He looked at me with those big blue, all knowing eyes and said, ‘Mommy they played the song at your wedding.’ I was shocked. But then of course he recognized all the songs I sang to him when he was a baby in my belly.

My child is still a very observant and caring child. Always thinking of other people before himself.

He is my own soul walking outside of my body. It is the most beautiful thing to witness, and yet, the most painful. That is what it means to be a parent.