Fear, a writers worst enemy.

I often find myself making excuses for myself.

I can’t write today because…

  • I’m too tired.
  • I have to much cleaning to do.
  • ..not enough time in the day.
  • To busy with my child
  • I need to read some more books before I write.

I think the hardest part about writing, is starting. It is also hard to let go about what people think.

Last year I completed my first book, and then finished half of the second book. (the sequel to the first.) I self published it, and let me tell you what… boy what a learning experience.

It was not a success. I got quite a bit of feedback. Some positive, but much of it was negative. It wasn’t so much the writing, but the content of my writing that people did not like, or were shocked by.

I didn’t write a fairy tale. Nothing in real life, is ever that pristine. I wanted to write something messy, beautiful and wild -Rife with pain and learning experiences- complete with frustration. Sometimes, out of pure frustration, obscenities fly out of my characters mouth. Shocking, I know! Many people I think did not expect that. I think because of the stories I many times write on my blog, which are more geared towards non-fiction, and are light hearted.

My fiction is completely different, in style and tone. I think in many ways, my characters become something that I can’t become. They explore parts of myself I would not dare explore in real life. They often morph into fantastical beings with supernatural ability, that I will never have. For that, I am grateful, for it is fiction after all.

There were grammatical errors in my book. I did not pay for an editor, because it was not in my budget. I think this is a mistake I will not make again.

Self-Publishing, while a learning experience, I would not do it again until I have experience under my belt with traditional publishing.

Here lies the biggest problem for me with my writing…

My idea has become much larger than I have ever imagined or envisioned. It started with a little short story, about 60 pages in length. Then the second book in the series has become a novel. I am not even finished with it, and yet I have found I have ideas for at least three more novels in the series. The subsequent novels morph into exploration of the human spirit, and of our true nature as spiritual beings.

Overall, the whole topic and basis for the series of books I am writing is  this…

Good people can make poor choices and therefore bad decisions. That doesn’t make them at there core, bad people.

Overall the fear remains…

  • Fear my books won’t be good enough.
  • Fear that I will not finish… well gosh if I finish what then?
  • Anxiety of not finishing…
  • What if I die and these stories are never told?

That leads me into my next blog post… My life long struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder and how it affects my writing and life.

 

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